Because I've just spent a couple of days with Gemma, it's made me realize how my friendship with Kristina is so different, because we're so different, and Gemma and I are so alike.
I've only known Gemma a few months, and only really been talking to her since end of December-ish, but I feel so much closer to her than I've ever done with Kristina. It's the same with Hayley, Claire and Jess, I feel much more comfortable around them, whereas with Kristina I never feel totally relaxed.
I do love Kristina. But I'm beginning to see the cracks / huge gaping holes in our friendship.
We have nothing in common, except for drinking and partying I guess. Our friendship is better when we're both drunk.
We have nothing in common, except for drinking and partying I guess. Our friendship is better when we're both drunk.
Since 2009, after I left London, she's been the only friend I've had, and I do love her for that, for not leaving me, as so many others have done.
Up until June-ish last year I used to spend my time at home, waiting for either her to come home from uni, or for me to go and visit her at uni. But then when she was home, I'd be kind of passed up so she could hang out with her other friends, I was never invited out with them, she never invites me along, she talks about it all to me, tells me all the stories, tells me when it is, says we'll go out Saturday, because Thursday she's going out with them, she never invites me along, which I don't really mind, I can't stand most of them, but it makes me feel sad that my 'best friend' would prefer to spend time with them and almost keep our friendship a secret.
This might just be me being paranoid, but whenever we speak over facebook, we normally do speak over facebook, it's always through messages, like sometimes I'll leave a comment on her wall, but she'll reply via a message, then delete my comment, and she talks with everyone else through comments.
And we go for months without talking. Because we have nothing to say to each other, we don't share anything, and we don't have anything in common.
And because I'm an insecure mess over any relationship I have, us not speaking, and her keeping me apart from most of her other friendships makes me so paranoid.
But when we do hang out we have alot of fun, but not the same kind of fun I tend to have with Gemma or Hayley or Claire or Jess. It's different, somehow.
And we go for months without talking. Because we have nothing to say to each other, we don't share anything, and we don't have anything in common.
And because I'm an insecure mess over any relationship I have, us not speaking, and her keeping me apart from most of her other friendships makes me so paranoid.
But when we do hang out we have alot of fun, but not the same kind of fun I tend to have with Gemma or Hayley or Claire or Jess. It's different, somehow.
Talking to Kristina when we don't have a certain thing to talk about, like just chatting to her always seems like such an effort, when I don't think it should be. And part of me always wants her approval, or to impress her, like to prove I'm worthy of being her friend.
It's really hard to explain without her seeming like a complete bitch, and me some lost puppy that just follows her around.
It's really hard to explain without her seeming like a complete bitch, and me some lost puppy that just follows her around.
With Gemma this weekend, it was so easy. Like we spent I don't even know how many hours in Wagamamas just talking about anything, and I don't know if it was the same for Gemma, I hope it was, but for me it was so so easy and relaxed in comparison what going for a meal with Kristina is like.
And then when we went to Southampton for the day, and just looked around shops and stalls.
Kristina wouldn't have been interested in spending so much time looking a pretty stationary, or admiring the jewelery on that stall, or the books or spending so much time in that music shop, she would've been bored by it all. And in HMV we spend ages looking at books and music and posters, Kristina wouldn't have, because we don't have those things in common, and she wouldn't have spend ages playing on fifa either, she would've thought it was dumb.
And Gemma and I spent ages geeking out over Kurt Cobains Journal that Gemma has, finding him so fascinating, looking at his doodles and ramblings and lyrics. Kristina and I would never spend that long pouring over a book, Kristina would probably think the doodles were weird and the rambles that of a mad man, or a drug addict. She wouldn't get it.
And then when we went to Southampton for the day, and just looked around shops and stalls.
Kristina wouldn't have been interested in spending so much time looking a pretty stationary, or admiring the jewelery on that stall, or the books or spending so much time in that music shop, she would've been bored by it all. And in HMV we spend ages looking at books and music and posters, Kristina wouldn't have, because we don't have those things in common, and she wouldn't have spend ages playing on fifa either, she would've thought it was dumb.
And Gemma and I spent ages geeking out over Kurt Cobains Journal that Gemma has, finding him so fascinating, looking at his doodles and ramblings and lyrics. Kristina and I would never spend that long pouring over a book, Kristina would probably think the doodles were weird and the rambles that of a mad man, or a drug addict. She wouldn't get it.
I feel like the more friendships I have that aren't with Kristina, the more awkward and strained our friendship becomes. And I just don't know if I should/if I want to do anything about my friendship with her, as it seems to be crumbling a bit now that I have other friends, friends that do mean more to me, and I'm closer to, and have more in common with.
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